


If It Was Deserved

by hateno



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2433785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hateno/pseuds/hateno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koujaku has been living with the guilt of murdering numerous clan members along with his own mother for more than a decade. When he finally gets the chance to enact his revenge on the man who was responsible, he decides to erase himself from the world as well. Or, he wanted to. But something stopped him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Noiz

**Author's Note:**

> yes hello! here's a noijaku one i've been working on. both me and my boyfriend technically wrote this fic, but koujaku was the guardian angel for his. both of them are based off of a roleplay we did a while back.  
> anyway here's my take on it!  
> update schedule TBA

He can't see. There aren't any lights to see by. There is one thing he knows for sure, and it's that he's holding something cold. A liquid runs through his fingers. His hands are shaking. He wonders where the hell he is. The last thing he can remember is pain. Horrible fucking pain. And that face... That man who inflicted it on him. He couldn't stand it and he passed out... Now where is he? His eyes slowly open, and he suddenly is aware of a horrible reality.

_Blood._

That's what is on his fingers, his palms, the blade of the katana in his hands. It's what is in the fountain, among the pebbles of the middle garden of the estate. Spattered on his chest, staining his kimono.

_Blood._

It's in his mother's hair. Her lovely, soft raven hair is dyed red. He can't breathe. She looks distraught, as if she'd wanted peace, but he'd stolen it from her in cold blood. He'd murdered her. Staring at the blade in his hands, he realizes what he has to do. If he's really killed his mother... There isn't a reason to carry on living. He's a monster. He turns the blade inward towards his stomach...

He can't do it. For whatever reason, he can't do it. He wants to. It's the only fucking thing he wants to do right now and he cannot bring himself to gut himself with the same sword he'd used to kill her. He curses whatever force is preventing him, and slumps to the ground, not knowing what else to do.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Koujaku lowers the blade, staring down at his hands. He's killed again. It doesn't fill him with grief as it had the first time, but it doesn't make him happy, either. Gulping, he turns away from the body. Ryuuhou is finally dead. It's what he's been trying to accomplish for the last fifteen years of his life and he's finally done it, but he's still not happy. He had vowed to himself that if even that, even the fulfillment of his only wish came about, didn't make him happy, he had only one choice left. He turns the bloodied sword over in his hands, taking in a deep breath and turning its aim at himself. He has no more reason to be here. He's left a goodbye message with Aoba and Mizuki, so no one will be left wondering where he's gone. This is it.

A hand shoots out from virtually nowhere, shoving him back and knocking the sword from his hands entirely. No one had entered the alley with him, he made sure he had covered his tracks fine, who had followed him? He looks up, and sees a completely unfamiliar face. His eyes are light green, light enough to be gray. Fair, clear skin accents the silver glint of at least ten piercings that he can see. Messy, blond hair pokes out of a knit cap, and that's when he notices the expression this boy is wearing. He looks angry, almost.

"What the hell are you doing?" This kid demands, holding onto his wrist firmly as if Koujaku had the intent of picking the sword up again. 

"Wh-- What do you... Who are you?" Koujaku doesn't know what to say. This doesn't make any sense. This is the second time his wishes have been ignored... 

"I asked you a question first. I'm expecting an answer."

Koujaku stands stock still, shocked beyond words. He's supposed to tell this kid what he's doing? What business is it of his? He just wants to get this over with, he doesn't have time for this interruption. "Who are you?" he repeats.

"Noiz. I'm here to stop you from killing yourself." The kid states plainly, blinking at him. It doesn't look like his expression changes at all. 

"How did you know that I..."

"What other reason does anyone have for pointing a sword at themselves, Koujaku?" 

"How did you know my..."

Noiz rolls his eyes and lets go of his wrist, sufficiently confident that Koujaku won't try anything else for now. "Are you doing to ask any more stupid questions, or should I just explain myself?" 

Koujaku growls at this, narrowing his eyes at the boy. "Sure," he grunts, looking at the ground now. Anywhere but the body.

"Well, I'd love to have a serious conversation over a dead body in a back alley, but something tells me standing around here isn't going to be safe for much longer." Noiz deadpans, glancing at the corpse between them. "Also, you look like hell. You need a shower, old man." 

Koujaku bristles at the insult. Old man? He's not that old. He's only 28 as of this August. That's not old. Crossing his arms over his chest like a child, he huffs at the boy.

"What? Lead the way." Noiz sighs, gesturing towards the end of the alley, exasperated. 

At this, Koujaku turns and starts walking at a pretty fast pace, hoping the kid feels like he can't keep up. A thousand questions are passing through his head at once. First of all, who is this kid _really?_ His name is Noiz, obviously, but he still doesn't understand how he knows his name. He draws his kimono tightly around his shoulders so as not to let anyone see the blood dotting his chest. Beni perches on his belt, frowning up at him.

"Koujaku, are you sure we can really trust this prick?" He pipes up, completely audible to Noiz. 

For obvious reasons, this pleases Koujaku and he doesn't quiet him. "We shouldn't. He's just a reckless teenager," he scoffs, grinning to himself. Hearing a short grunt behind him, the man unlocks his apartment and enters. Noiz follows behind and doesn't try to stab or attack Koujaku. This somehow disappoints him, because it raises more questions than answers. 

"Go shower, you smell like a murder scene." It's almost funny how literally Noiz means this when he says it. Instead of laughing, however, Koujaku shoves at him and walks off to the bathroom.

When he sees himself in the mirror, he can kind of understand where Noiz was coming from. Blood is splattered across his chest, and his tattoos coil back to their original positions when his eyes scan over them, as if frightened. He turns on the water and waits for it to heat up all the way before stripping down and standing under it. The hot water stings his back and he hisses in a breath, letting it wash over him and clean the matted blood out of his hair. It's a long, hot shower, but he manages not to think about anything too serious for the duration.

Noiz is sitting on the couch with Beni clasped tightly in his slender hands when Koujaku exits the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and his hair out of its usual ponytail. "What are you doing?" he asks, stepping over to stand in front of the couch.

"It wouldn't shut up." Noiz plainly states.

Beni fluffs up his feathers at this, writhing in the boy's grasp. " _It_?! Rude asshole! I'm not just an object!!" he squawks, trying to flap his wings in vain.

Koujaku sighs and sits on the couch. "Calm down, Beni." He turns his gaze onto Noiz. "Let go of him, will you? Holding him like that's only going to make him complain." As he says this, Noiz relents and lets go of the Allmate, who flaps off with a huff to sit on the coffee table. "Now, tell me. Who the hell are you really, and why do you know so much about me?" Leaning back against the cushion, the hairdresser raises a brow at Noiz.

The blond eyes him calmly. "You're so fucking thickheaded. You've known me your whole life, and now I have to explain myself. I'm hurt." The warning glare the old man shoots him tells him that wasn't funny. "I'm your guardian angel," he sighs, "I was assigned to you when you were born, and I've been making sure you don't fuck up ever since."

Koujaku is taken aback to the extent that he wonders if he's dreaming. "I... So you... Know everything. Prove it." His natural reaction is suspicion.

"About a decade ago, give or take a few years, you got a tattoo from Ryuuhou, the man you just killed. It made you lose your senses and you killed your family. Your mother. You tried to kill yourself right there, once you'd realized what you'd done." The boy's expression doesn't change in the slightest while talking about this. "I prevented you." 

Koujaku, on the other hand, is shaking and looks as if about to cry. "Why... Why didn't you let me..." His voice is hoarse and he stares at his balled up fists. "I should have died back then, so why..."

"You didn't deserve it." 

"I _killed my own mother!!_ " The taller suddenly explodes, gripping the edge of the couch and gritting his teeth.

"You didn't deserve it." Noiz repeats calmly, not breaking his cold gaze on the old man. "It wasn't your fault. Tell me something. Did you want that tattoo?" No response. "Did you want to kill her?" Still, nothing. "Would she have wanted you to die?"

At this, Koujaku freezes. Would she? No, of course not. His mother had loved him in the most sincere and true way possible. He shakes his head, defeated. Noiz is right, but it'll never stop haunting him.

"I told you. People fucking care about you." Noiz actually looks... A bit worried, now. 

Koujaku only has a moment to wonder about the expression before he remembers something. People who care about him? "Shit," he curses. Aoba and Mizuki. He'd called them just before he'd gone out to find Ryuuhou. He'd told them he was going to die. He digs through his end table's drawer, finding his Coil. The screen is blinking, indicating missed calls. Not just missed calls, but 107 missed calls. Both Mizuki and Aoba have left him over 50 calls each. "I..."

"Call them," Noiz nods, settling back in his cushion more.

Koujaku nods quickly, tapping Aoba's contact and calling him. It doesn't ring for very long.

"Hello? Koujaku?!" Aoba's voice, panicked and shaken.

"Aoba. Aoba, I'm--"

"What the fuck were you thinking?! Calling and leaving a message telling me you're _dead_?! I've been worried for _hours_!! And just why the fuck would you tell me your house was empty?! Are you home right now?!"

Koujaku frowns. "Yes," he admits.

"Don't-- You-- You can't _do_ that to me!! Or Mizuki! He's beside himself! Are you calling him after this?! You'd better be-- I'm coming over. I'm going to finish maintenance on Ren and I'll be over." After this hasty remark, the boy hangs up and Koujaku is left stuttering.

"Great. How the fuck am I going to explain who you are?" The hairdresser exhales, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. Not wanting Aoba to become aware of his tattoos, Koujaku grabs a shirt from his dresser and tugs it on. Upon returning, he finds Noiz watching him. "What."

"You didn't let me answer your question. Just tell him I'm your guardian angel." Calm as ever.

Koujaku narrows his eyes. "Sure. Sounds great," he snaps, plopping himself back down on the couch.

"Just a suggestion, old man." Noiz shrugs, then blinks at him. "He won't be able to see me. Usually _you're_ not even supposed to see me. But, you're the only one who has the ability to. He won't hear me, either."

"But I will."

"Obviously." 

"I'll look crazy." Koujaku states, frowning. "I can't be talking to myself in front of Aoba."

Noiz leans back in fake offense and places a hand to his chest. "Ouch. You think, no, _assume_ that I won't behave myself and stay quiet? I thought we understood each other _better_ than that, old man." 

"I get it, I get it. Christ." Koujaku groans, covering his eyes with a scarred hand. A few seconds of silence pass before there's a knock at the door. Koujaku stands reluctantly and answers it, expecting the reaction he gets.

Both Mizuki and Aoba are there, wearing matching expressions of relief and slight anger. "Koujaku!" Is the first thing Aoba cries out, lunging and clinging onto the man tightly. Mizuki stands back before giving him a one-armed embrace as well. 

"Idiot, Aoba and I thought you were dead. Like, actually dead." The dark-skinned man grunts, looking a lot more worried than he sounds when he says it. 

Koujaku can only keep his eyes on the ground at this point. He feels like a complete asshole. These are his best friends on the planet, and he fucking... He sighs, just holding Aoba close to him. "I'm alright..."

"Yeah, he's just got a broken hip, is all." 

Koujaku's skin prickles. That was Noiz's voice. The promise of 'behaving himself and staying quiet' apparently went out the window the fucking second these two walked in. He can't react to it, though, or he'll look like a complete freak. Instead, he carefully pries the blue-haired man off of him and smiles weakly at the two of them. "Are you guys hungry? Did you want to stay and hang out?" He asks, ignoring the laugh that sounds behind him.

Without hesitation, Aoba nods and walks into the room, plopping down onto the couch. And, consequently, onto Noiz. Koujaku watches Aoba get all comfortable right there on the boy's lap unknowingly. The angel is bright red and seems to have shut up for now. He stares at his lap full of adorable delivery boy and from what Koujaku can see, he gulps. 

Koujaku has to try not to laugh. It looks ridiculous. Mizuki heads to the kitchen, probably for drinks of some kind. He'll probably get drunk, and Aoba will be all over him all night, and all over Noiz without knowing it.

He has a feeling he's in for an experience to say the least.


	2. Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go! the next EXCITING INSTALLMENT oo o hhhhhhhhhh

As Koujaku expected, it's halfway through the night and Mizuki is drunk as all hell. He slurs and laughs and hangs all over the men next to him. The hairdresser himself is only a little buzzed, but it's distracting him from thinking about the previous events, so he can't complain. Plus, Mizuki is a funny drunk. "Jussayin'... Seems like you two are gonna... Hav' some trouble gettin' married." The tattoo artist grins, directing his question at Aoba. The current topic was the relationship the blue-haired man was sharing with Clear, who everyone had recently learned was actually a fucking cyborg. Whatever made Aoba happy, Koujaku guessed. 

"L-Look, we haven't talked about marriage! It's only been three months!" Aoba is flustered as all hell, and refuses to look at either of them. Noiz, still being used as a chair, fell asleep a long time ago. Why he refused to move, Koujaku doesn't understand. "And just why would we have any trouble?" 

"I dunno, maybe b'cause he's a robot?" Mizuki is hiccuping all over the place. 

Aoba just makes a face and huffs, turning away. Koujaku glances at the clock, nervous. "Guys, it's... Getting kind of late. Aoba, maybe you should take Mizuki home, he doesn't seem well enough to get there himself," he suggests, smiling weakly at his childhood friend. 

The younger man nods and sighs. "Sorry about him... I guess he was trying to calm his nerves," he theorizes, shrugging a little. He stands and walks over to Mizuki, hoisting him up under his armpits and lifting him the best he can. The hairdresser stands as well, ready to help. Aoba then turns his gaze on Koujaku, eyes serious. "Call me if anything else like that happens. Call me," he repeats the instruction for emphasis, lips tightening into a frown. Koujaku nods, looking guilty as fuck again. He's about to apologize for the umpteenth time before Aoba reaches up and ruffles his hair. "I'm glad you're alive."

With that, the two of them stumble out of the apartment with some effort. Koujaku is left with a lump in his throat and the guilt of the highest degree. Behind him, his guardian angel stirs and rubs at his eyes, blinking sleep out of them. He doesn't react, only sits back down and rubs at his face with his hands.

"You're upset." 

Koujaku frowns, shaking his head a little. "I'm fine, I just... Can't believe I did that to them," he mutters, staring at the ground. 

"Now do you see how stupid it would have been? You're fine." Noiz yawns, stretching out and sighing. "That was boring, though."

"Yeah?" Koujaku looks over at him, a smirk dancing on his lips. "You seemed to enjoy having Aoba in your lap all night," he snickers.

At this, the angel goes bright red again. "Look, I didn't know he was going to sit on me. I'm not interested anyway," he dismisses the idea, setting his eyes on Koujaku. "I'm only interested in you." 

Now it's the older man's turn to light up like a christmas tree. "Wh-What?! What the hell is that even supposed to mean?" He protests, shoving at Noiz, who just laughs under his breath. 

As if this were plain fact, common knowledge, Noiz states, "I'm in love with you." 

Koujaku sputters for a moment before shoving at him again. "You're just being a fucking moron," he growls, embarrassed by how obvious his red face and ears must be.

Noiz doesn't actually answer that. He just laughs again, which infuriates the older man. He gives up, though, figuring he was right. The angel was joking around. He suddenly feels very, very tired, like the shock of murdering someone and finding an actual angel have finally caught up with him. He curls up on his side on the couch, paying no mind to the fact that this plants his head in Noiz's lap. It's warm there, anyway. He doesn't even mind it when the angel starts petting through his hair softly. 

\---

The morning brings a terrible headache and the smell of... Pizza? Yeah, that's pizza. Why in the hell... He grunts and sits up, realizing that where Noiz's lap was before, a pillow has been placed. Looking around, he spots the boy. He's hunched over in front of Koujaku's television, one of the video games Aoba had bought for him on the screen. Next to him is an open box of pizza, which appears to be half-eaten. Koujaku sighs. "The hell do you think you're doing?"

"Playing a videogame," he responds quickly, not startled at all by the sudden voice. He doesn't even turn to look at his human.

"That's obvious." Koujaku responds, huffing. "Where did you get that pizza?"

"I ordered it."

"With what money?" Narrowing his eyes, the older man stands and walks closer to him. 

"Mine," he deadpans.

Koujaku just sighs again. "Right," he exhales, shaking his head a little. He doesn't understand, but then again, there's nothing he does understand about the kid. He just shrugs and walks into his kitchen, starting to brew himself some coffee. Finally awake and calm enough, he reflects on the events of last night. He actually killed Ryuuhou. That fact hasn’t hit him yet. However, the discovery of his damned guardian angel is slapping himself in the face at the moment. Noiz is why he’s alive, why he couldn’t kill himself either time. All because he didn’t deserve it? It’s been over a decade. He’s more than sure he deserved it. However, Noiz seems so damn adamant about letting him know he didn’t. Confusing.

He hates having more questions than answers, he thinks, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He glances through the open door at Noiz, who is still focused entirely on the game in front of him. What a strange kid. Besides the fact that he isn’t human. “Quit looking at me like that.” Noiz huffs, without an indication he can even see him.

Koujaku realizes that he’s been staring at him for about half a minute and blinks quickly, looking away. “Sorry,” he gulps, walking back into the living room with him and sitting on the couch with his mug. 

“Yeah, yeah, old man. We both know it’s because I’m so attractive.”

The hairdresser huffs irritatedly in response and rolls his eyes. Noiz had said he was with him his whole life, but he acts like a child. He wonders why. And as he wonders, his eyes linger on the back of his head. Damn it, Koujaku, cut it out. He’s your guardian angel, not a stupid love interest. 

About five minutes pass before the credits are rolling on the screen and Noiz is setting down the controller and going straight for some more pizza. “You finished the game already?” Koujaku asks incredulously, raising a brow. He got the game a decently long time ago, and found it pretty difficult to beat.

“Yep.” Noiz responds through a mouthful of the greasy stuff. “It wasn’t even that hard.” 

Koujaku scoffs. “There’s no way.” He’s slowly realizing that this kid challenges his pride, and it annoys the fuck out of him in all honesty. 

“Those are the credits, aren’t they?” Noiz swallows the chunk of pizza he’s chewing on and looks over at him finally. “Y’know what I said last night wasn’t a joke. About being interested in only you,” he says plainly, making direct eye contact that forces the hairdresser to look away.

“I… What?” He takes a nervous sip of his coffee and continues avoiding his gaze. Calm down, he might just be kidding with you again. He’s a young guy, right? Jokes are common among peers of his age… Right?

“I’m in love with you.” Noiz doesn’t miss a beat. He doesn’t even hesitate. The same thing as last night. He must actually mean it. But, how? What? “I’ve been in love with you for a while now.” He’s playing with his fingers. He actually looks like this is awkward for him for a moment, but he regains his stoic appearance in no time.

Koujaku is bright red. He knows his fucking burning up right now, but he can’t think of anything to say. “Okay.” Well, except for that genius piece of work. Great job. 

“Okay.” Noiz echoes. “Oh, Koujaku-san~, you’re such a man~!” The mocking voice of one of his female “fans”, he guesses. It only causes him to pick up the nearest pillow and bring it down swiftly onto the angel’s head.

\---

There’s a lot of useless courting that happens in the following weeks. It starts out with glances across the breakfast table, and leads to holding hands around the house for virtually no reason. Cuddling comes next, but never anything too intimate. Lying in each other’s laps, Koujaku wrapping himself around Noiz as he plays video games, that kind of thing. The older man is only slightly aware that he’s falling hard for the kid over time.

One night stands out, though. They’re laying next to each other in bed as always, backs facing each other. Like always. This time, however, some time into the night Noiz is tapping on the man’s shoulder. “Koujaku,” he breathes, and continues tapping him until his human has turned over to face him. “I love you.” He traces his fingers along the contours of his face, outlining his tattoo perfectly.

Koujaku mumbles something like a question, but it comes out intelligible and Noiz ignores it. The older man blinks at him in the dark, and the moonlight only really reveals his eyes to him. They’re very green. Very green and… He falls back asleep. He doesn’t even have time to realize that Noiz was in fact crying.

The first time Koujaku kisses Noiz, it’s over a fucking pizza. The kid’s a pretty messy eater, and so when he notices the sauce on his cheek, he goes in for the generic romcom trope of licking it off for him. Noiz doesn’t seem shocked at all. When the older man pulls back, he’s suddenly very close to the angel. Close enough that he can feel his breath on his lips. He… Smells like pizza. Fuck it. He leans in and presses their lips together slowly. He hears Noiz gasp and move back a bit, but as if correcting himself, he tugs him forward again and closes the gap. 

Bam. That’s it. Koujaku has officially fallen for this fucking brat of a kid, who also happens to be a motherfucking angel. He moves his lips with the boy, reaching up to run a hand through the back of his hair. It’s over too soon when Noiz pulls back. “The position we’re in is stupid as fuck. There’s a cheese pizza between us,” he grunts, and for the first time since he’s met him Koujaku sees a blush rise on his cheeks. 

“Oh my fucking god, you just ruined the moment. I should kick you out.” Koujaku grins, elbowing him in the ribs. Noiz smiles a little too, and the hairdresser can swear he looks… Sad almost. “Is everything okay?” 

“You’re in love with me… That’s the last offense they’re going to allow me.” Noiz exhales, looking away from him. The sudden emotion from him is very jarring to the older man. Very jarring. Wait. Offense?

“What do you mean?”

“I was already breaking a rule by being in love with you. Then, I showed myself to you. And now, you’ve fallen in love with me. Three strikes, I’m out, old man,” he smiles weakly at him, and gulps audibly.

“Out? Noiz, please. What do you mean?”

“They’re going to wipe my memory. Make me mortal. If I’m not willing to follow the rules, I must be willing to pay for the consequences and all that.”

Koujaku feels numb. He’s not sure he can accept that. “Will I remember?” He looks desperate.

“Yeah, that is if you can find me. And I want you to try to. Please. I love you, but… You’ll need to jog my memory. A lot.” He raises a hand to Koujaku’s cheek, looking very serious. “Koujaku. Please.”

The hairdresser is horrified to find that his face is the last thing to disappear right in front of his eyes. He breathes out a shaky sigh. “...I promise.”


	3. Remember Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is so short ;w;

Koujaku searches for Noiz for a total of four months. The next three weeks are his “maybe he’ll come to me” strategy. He’s so exhausted. If he sleeps at all, it’s three hours maximum. He feels old and weathered. “Old man.” The memory of Noiz jeers at him in his head, and he feels his heart break for easily the hundredth time. The hairdresser planned to have work open four hours today. He has to make money somehow. Sitting up with some effort and tugging his kimono on, Koujaku prepares himself for the onslaught of women. There are still just as many as always, and he’s done such a good job of acting, that they don’t have any clue what’s going on.

The morning air is cold and unforgiving, even though it’s already May. The cloud cover of the smog in the sky cools Midorijima significantly when the sun isn’t all the way up yet. He curses this fact, pulling his kimono tighter and locking his door behind him. Once he reaches the location of the day, he steps into the restaurant nearby to borrow a chair. The boy at the counter looks up, and when he does, his face lights up and he claps his hands together. This is Clear, Aoba’s robot of a boyfriend. He never thought he’d have to use those words to describe anyone, that’s for sure. “Koujaku-san~!” He chimes, leaning forward on the counter. “What brings you by?”

Koujaku fakes a smile. Thank god he’s gotten so good at it. “I was just setting up shop close by. How are you?”

“Wonderful! Aoba-san and I are going on a date tonight!” Clear exclaims, and the hairdresser swears he can see all but hearts in his eyes. “Oh! Speaking of Aoba-san,” he pauses a moment and lowers his eyebrows a bit, furrowing them together. “He hasn’t heard from you in some time. Are you alright?”

Koujaku’s smile falters. “What? I’m fine…” He exhales. Clear’s response is tightening his lips and narrowing his eyes.

As the man is about to open his mouth to lie again, the other employee working with Clear emerges through the door to the kitchen. Their face brightens as well. This is Sei, Aoba’s twin brother and Mizuki’s partner. They came back from Platinum Jail with Aoba, and were the one who helped him through Clear’s recovery. Everyone had only recently learned that the recovery had actually meant literally rebuilding him. Koujaku is grateful to Sei for supporting Aoba, really he is, but right now seeing them isn’t ideal. He just wants to get to work and stop thinking about this.

“Koujaku-sama! Good morning! How are you today?” They smile, coming around the counter to give him a hug. “It’s been a while!”

Koujaku returns the hug and smiles back at them. “I’m doing fine, thanks,” he grins, trying to ignore the fact that Clear still has a pair of suspicious eyes on him. 

“You’re…” Sei pulls back from the hug to get a good look at Koujaku. When they do, they frown. “You’re not looking so good, Koujaku-sama. Is something the matter?”

“I tried asking him, too, but he said it was nothing…” Clear frowns as well, stepping out from around the counter to stand next to Sei. Both of their gazes on him make Koujaku feel on the spot and uncomfortable. He just wants to set up shop.

‘Get it together, Koujaku,’ he thinks, mentally slapping himself. ‘These two care about you. Remember what Noiz said. People care about you. I shouldn’t take advantage of that.’ He grimaces a bit. “Sorry, I… May have lied.” 

“Not nice, Koujaku-san!” Clear pouts, pulling up a chair for him and motioning for him to sit down. The hairdresser does so, exhaling a little. Realizing they were in for a bit of a story, both of the employees hop up to sit on the counter and wear matching looks of concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Okay. You’re absolutely not going to believe me for a second. Keep that in mind,” he starts, running a hand through his bangs. “A few months ago I met my guardian angel.” He throws all fears out the window, wanting to find Noiz so bad that the anxiety of looking crazy doesn’t really matter to him at the moment. 

Not surprisingly, the two exchange glances. “Are you… Sure?” Clear asks, raising the question of his sanity pretty bluntly.

“I’m sure. His name is Noiz, and he… He saved me.” 

“Saved you? How?” Sei tilts their head a little bit, confused. Koujaku sighs. He must sound like he’s speaking a foreign language to them.

He can’t very well go ahead and tell the both of them the story of his past, absolutely not, so he just frowns. “He’s just… Saved my life before,” he gulps, shaking his head. The other two take the hint and don’t press any further questions about it. “He showed himself to me, but that wasn’t allowed. He called that a strike. Kind of like… Baseball? Y’know, three strikes you’re out?” The confused stares from them remind him that neither of them probably know what the game is, Sei being rather uneducated about the outside world still, and Clear… Well Clear not being human. He sighs. “Um, it’s like he breaks three rules and then he has to give up his wings.”

“Oh, okay,” Sei nods, understanding now. “So… He broke three of them?”

“The first was showing himself to me.” Koujaku stares at the ground, his heart aching again. “The second was… Falling in love with me. And the third…” He gulps and balls his hands into fists. “The third was having me fall in love with him.” 

Clear and Sei gasp in unison. “Koujaku-sama… You fell in love with him?” Sei gapes, covering their mouth a bit. 

“I did. And because I did, he disappeared. He got his wings revoked, and they… Wiped his memory of being an angel. His memory of me. They made him human,” he responds, choking back tears at this point. “Now I have to find him and jog his memory. But I don’t even know where to look. He could be anywhere on Earth… I love him so much…” Yeah, he’s crying now. He doesn’t have time to be embarrassed through all of the pain he’s feeling. 

Sei and Clear are immediately at his sides, rubbing his back and hugging him. “It’s okay, Koujaku-san… I’m sure you’ll find him…” Clear reassures, eyebrows drawn together in concern. 

“Yeah, he can’t be too far off, right…?” Sei agrees, nodding. They then blink and look at Clear. “Clear-san, maybe we’ve seen him around here? A lot of people visit the restaurant… Could it be that he’s come in at some point?”

“Maybe…” Clear frowns, as if trying to remember. “Koujaku-san, what does Noiz look like?”

The hairdresser gulps, exhaling shakily through sobs. “He’s… Blond. With green eyes that are… Almost gray. He’s shorter than I am…”

Sei perks up. “I saw a blond boy come in yesterday! He had eyes just like that!” They exclaim, covering their mouth with both hands again. Clear grins at them, nodding.

Koujaku’s breath catches in his throat. “Did he… How many piercings did he have?” He blurts, starting to stand. 

The expression of hope on Sei’s face fades. “He… Didn’t have any piercings at all… He was wearing a really expensive-looking suit and looked very professional…”

No piercings? Expensive-looking suit? Very professional? “That’s… Not Noiz.” Koujaku mutters, staring at the ground. Clear and Sei exchange another worried glance. “Thanks anyway, you guys, I… Appreciate it,” he sighs, turning and starting to leave. 

With his eyes to the floor, he doesn’t notice the person walking in at the same time he’s trying to leave. He runs right into them, stepping back immediately and looking up to apologize. The apology never leaves his throat. The man standing in front of him is blond, with green eyes that are almost gray. He’s a bit shorter than Koujaku, but one thing really stands out to him. He doesn’t have any piercings. The suit he’s wearing is incredibly fancy, and he looks like a real professional. 

But it’s Noiz. Honest to goodness, it’s Noiz.

At first he wants to scream, embrace him, cry, something, but he’s suddenly reminded of the fact that he doesn’t remember him. Noiz’s face remains indifferent, and he’s clearly waiting for Koujaku to move out of the way. The hairdresser does so, blinking rapidly to dispel any tears from his eyes that were left over. He can’t set up shop now. Noiz is right there. He’s been waiting months for this. 

He waits for Noiz to enter and approach the counter where Clear is now stationed once more, before gathering all of his courage and stepping to stand next to him. Clear gives him a slightly knowing but also excited look and then looks between them. “Excuse me,” he begins, flashing his best smile at the boy. “Can I have a moment?” 

Noiz looks only vaguely interested in him, which stabs Koujaku in the worst way. He tries to ignore it as Noiz completes his order and Clear goes off to fill it. “Do I know you?” The blonde asks as soon as the robot is out of earshot. 

“Let’s sit down,” he responds quickly, gesturing to a table nearby. Noiz looks suspicious, but sits as he’s told. 

One story later, and Noiz is still just as oblivious as he was before. Koujaku is sure he thinks he’s insane. “That’s… All I can really tell you. Please, just try to believe me, Noiz,” he exhales, frowning.

“I was a guardian angel and in love with you? Are you just hitting on me?” Noiz asks, incredulous as hell.

“What the hell kind of pick-up line is that?” Koujaku responds, huffing. “Telling you my life story just as a setup for a pick-up line?”

“I’ve heard worse,” the boy sighs, chinhanding and rolling his eyes. It’s so like him that it hurts Koujaku to hear.

“Yeah? Must be terrible having everyone after you,” he snaps, exhaling and looking away. “Brat.” 

There’s a very abrupt silence. It’s like he flipped Noiz’s power switch from on to off. The blond blinks, staring off into space. “Koujaku,” he furrows his brows as he breathes the name. 

Koujaku gulps. He hasn’t told Noiz his name yet, not this entire time. There’s only one explanation, then, and it’s that he’s remembered him. 

“Noiz.”


	4. Human Sorrows

Darkness is all he remembers. They’d told him he was abnormal, a freak, not to be trusted around other children. That’s why he was locked away in the dark. People who cannot feel cannot understand pain. Noiz cannot feel, therefore it is out of his reach entirely. This is the life he’s known, until this very moment, to be his own. However, now he walks into a restaurant and he’s got a man telling him that he’s quite literally an angel who’s lost his wings. He doesn’t believe it, but who would? It’s insane.

Despite this, as soon as this man says _brat_ , a name pops into his head, even though he hasn’t introduced himself yet. Koujaku. Koujaku is his name. His human, the man he saved twice from suicide, the man he’s in love with. He loves him. He loves Koujaku. The darkness of his past fades, and he focuses back in on his face.

“Old man.”

Koujaku blinks. Four months, he looks for this kid. Four months and three weeks he searches frantically for him. He finally, _finally_ , finally finally finds him after all this time, and what does he say to him? _Old man. **Old man**_ . He growls in the back of his throat, winging his fist back and bringing it forward to slam into Noiz’s nose. He faintly hears a yelp, and doesn’t know whether it’s Sei or Clear. He doesn’t care. 

Noiz looks shocked. Like, weirdly shocked. As if he’s never been punched before. The fucker smiles, which prompts another blow to the jaw. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sei take a few steps towards them, but Clear places a hand on their shoulder, pulling them back and looking… Almost frightened. _Frightened_. 

It’s after the third punch without retaliation that he hears a rip. His vision snaps to the sound, very sensitive to it, and finds that his kimono has busted a seam over his left bicep. Shit. It’s happening again, he’s losing himself to the tattoos. He growls in frustration before his attention is yanked back to the ex-angel in front of him. Noiz has got that same look in his eyes as when he was about to leave. It almost literally melts his anger away, and he feels the tattoos coil back, feels his muscles stop swelling.

Clear lets go of Sei, who’s shaking like a leaf. He then rushes to the door and changes the sign over to _closed_ so as not to let any other customers in. “I’m gonna calm Sei down. You sort this out, Koujaku-san,” he frowns, looking a bit disappointed. Grabbing Sei’s trembling hand, he leads them into the back, away from the two of them.

Koujaku averts his gaze from the scene and looks back at Noiz, who has his arms crossed. “What kind of welcome back was that?” He asks, scoffing.

“The kind where the first thing you say to me in five months is calling me old man,” he responds bitterly, assessing the damage to his clothing.

“Well what did you want from me? _Wherefore art thou oh Koujaku_? Not happening.” The ex-angel huffs.

“No, but I sure as fuck didn’t--” Koujaku stops himself. Noiz is standing _right there_ , is he an idiot? He just stops speaking and grabs Noiz forward into an embrace only known by separated lovers. Noiz settles into his arms and exhales, burying his face in his chest. “I missed you, you fucking brat,” he gulps, keeping the boy near him.

Clear pokes his head out once more and grins. “All better?” He asks, and Koujaku can see Sei looking out behind him. The hairdresser nods, and they both walk out, Clear still tugging on Sei’s hand. “Noiz! It’s nice to meet you, my name is Clear!” He chimes, holding a gloved hand out to the blond.

Noiz takes it and smiles a little as well. His handshake looks firm, and it almost makes Koujaku’s mind wander. Almost. The ex-angel is very handsome-looking in his suit, and it’s hard to look away. “I know,” he smirks and looks so fucking cocky that Koujaku almost punches him again.

“And this is--”

“Sei.” Noiz beats Clear to the introduction. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Sei is bright red, and they shake Noiz’s hand nervously. The stupid kid has become a charmer, and it’s infuriating. “Nice to meet you, too, Noiz.” Sei blushes, laughing a little.

Clear looks as though he’s thinking very seriously for a moment, before his eyebrows raise. Koujaku has a sickening feeling and he doesn’t know why until Clear opens his mouth. “Hey! Since you two are back together, I have an idea! Aoba and I are going on a date tonight, so why don’t we make it a double date!” He turns and looks at Sei as well. “No, a _triple_ date! Bring Mizuki!” 

Sei’s face lights up. “That’s a great idea, Clear-san!” They exclaim, clapping their hands together. “We can all go get dinner!”

Noiz and Koujaku exchange an exhausted glance. The hairdresser would much rather take Noiz home and make love to him right about now, but… Clear notices their expressions and pouts a bit. “Koujaku… It would mean a lot to Aoba if you did…” It’s like he knows he’s got the man beat, but he still looks sincere as hell. 

“We can do it.” Koujaku exhales, wrapping his arm around Noiz’s waist, who reacts by going red, and the taller man can tell because his ears light up as well. He can tell having the boy with him again is going to be fantastic already. Now that Noiz is a human, maybe he’ll get off of his high horse. 

“I’ll pay for all of us.” 

Or not. Koujaku gapes a bit. “What?! With what money?!”

“With _my_ money?” Noiz raises a brow at him. “Who else’s? Are you calling me a thief? How dare you, old man.”

The hairdresser groans and flicks his forehead. “So, what, are you rich now?”

 

Noiz shrugs. “Yeah,” he says, treating it like it’s nothing.

As Koujaku sputters about this, Clear walks to the door and turns the sign back over to open. “Well, we have to get back to work, okay? Come by Aoba’s house at seven, please!” He smiles, all but shooing them out.

Koujaku stumbles out the door after Noiz, waving goodbye awkwardly. Once they’re alone, Noiz is laughing to himself. _Laughing_. “What’s so fucking funny.” Koujaku exhales, walking alongside him with his eyes to the ground. He’s not really annoyed with Noiz, just frustrated by the professional man he’s become. It’s completely out of left field, and it bothers the hell out of him. He guesses, though, that Noiz didn’t really have a choice in what kind of human he became. Luck of the draw.

“Nothing, just the look on your face back there was pretty funny.” Noiz responds coolly, adjusting his tie a bit to loosen it. “Didn’t expect for me to be all dressed up, huh?” The boy’s eyes are glinting, and even though Koujaku isn’t looking into them directly, he can tell they’ve got a challenge behind them. That asshole.

“No, I didn’t.” The older man responds bitterly, huffing a short breath. “It was a shock to everyone that you look decent.” 

“You’re the only one who’s ever seen me, dummkopf.” 

That last word is foreign. It’s not Japanese, that’s for damn sure, but he can’t place the origin. “The hell does that mean?” He resolves to ask, rolling his eyes. He’s only vaguely aware that Noiz is leading him somewhere.

“Dummkopf means idiot in German.” The ex-angel replies, sliding a pair of sunglasses that look as expensive as the suit he’s wearing onto his face.

“So you’re German and rich?”

“That’s about the gist of it.”

“Huh.” Is all Koujaku can think to say. This comes as such a genuine shock to him that he’s practically left speechless. Before, the kid was of no understandable origin, now he’s from somewhere foreign? He looks up from the sidewalk he’s been so intently focused in on to see just where they’re actually headed. The destination doesn’t really help ease the shock at all. There’s a fucking car--a car, on Midorijima. Not just a car, but a damned Ferrari parked alongside the path they’re taking. “You’re kidding.”

“Yes, this is my car, before you ask a stupid question.” Noiz sighs. “We’re going to my place in it. We’ve got three hours to kill.”

The way he says this suggests something he wants, so Koujaku goes a bit red and clears his throat. “Right,” he responds, grunting. 

Noiz scoffs a little and unlocks the car remotely, before getting into the car quickly. Koujaku follows, however reluctant he may be, and sits in the passenger seat. The car is even fancier-looking on the inside, and it does nothing for his nerves. He’s shaking, he realizes. He’s nervous about seeing Noiz again after all this time. He feels like a fucking idiot. Noiz remains silent for a good five minutes during the drive--the smoothest Koujaku has experienced on the island--before clearing his throat. “What’ve you been up to?” he asks quietly, eyes trained on the road in front of him. 

“I told you. Waiting for you.” Koujaku replies, rolling his eyes a little. “You had me acting like a hermit.”

“Like a dirty, lonely old man?” Noiz suggests, raising his brows. 

Koujaku scowls at this. “Whatever,” he exhales, sinking further down into his seat. They’re both silent again, before the hairdresser looks up and sees something he dreaded was going to be there at the end of this drive. A huge house sits before them. It must belong to Noiz. Great. “This is… Yours, isn’t it.” 

Noiz nods, and Koujaku doesn’t need to look at him to know he’s got a smug look on his face. “Yep, that’s mine,” he exhales, pulling into the driveway and parking the car. Koujaku feels like he’s dreaming again. Noiz gets out first, followed by the hairdresser. 

“This place is ridiculous.” The older man sighs.

“Well, that’s rude. I thought it looked nice.” Noiz keys himself in and opens the door. Just like the car, it’s even fancier on the inside. It looks like a god damned mansion. “Make yourself at home, old man.” Noiz grins, and then mutters something Koujaku doesn’t hear. 

The hairdresser walks further into the living room and sits himself onto the couch. Noiz follows, and places himself right into his lap. Koujaku wheezes with the added weight, but reaches a rough hand out to touch the side of the ex-angel’s face. He’s missed him so much. He feels Noiz melt against him. God, he loves him. His bickering with the kid ceases immediately when he sees how he’s looking at him. Noiz looks like he’s in a trance. The kid is smiling. His green eyes look almost tearful. “...I missed you,” he murmurs, and the older man feels his heart do a flip.

“I missed you, too,” he replies, just as quiet. Noiz just nods. Koujaku traces his fingers over the young man’s lips, his nose, his eyelids as he closes his eyes, brushes his bangs back a few times. He’s soft. His hair is soft, his face is soft, his skin is soft. “You’re perfect, Noiz.” The hairdresser mutters, kissing slowly at his face.

Noiz smiles softly and shuts his eyes again. He hums out an agreement, which makes Koujaku laugh a little. The older man then runs a hand up the younger’s thigh, making him shiver. He watches Noiz’s eyebrows furrow and moves his hand to the area between his legs. This causes Noiz to gasp, and fuck does Koujaku love the way he looks right now. He’s about to reach for the kid’s crotch when his coil rings. “Fuck,” he exhales, and he hears Noiz whine as he squirms in his lap. “Sorry…” The hairdresser mutters, answering the call. “Hello?”

“Koujaku-san! I’m off work early, so we’re gonna have the triple date right now! We’re all meeting at Aoba-chan’s house!” Clear’s voice is the harbinger of death on the other line. 

“Got it, Clear.” Koujaku exhales in response. “We’ll be there in a few.” He watches Noiz’s expression turn into a pout. He hangs the call up and throws his love an apologetic glance. “Sorry, brat, guess we have somewhere to be,” he frowns. 

“That’s not fucking fair at all.” Noiz complains, getting up and off of the hairdresser’s lap. 

“You can be patient, can’t you?” Koujaku smirks at him, raising a brow and licking his teeth showily. This causes the young man to shudder, and he angrily grabs his keys from the floor.

“Let’s just go, old man,” he grumbles, leaving hastily. Koujaku snickers, and follows him out, locking the door behind them. They get in the car, the younger man still complaining under his breath.


End file.
